Republican leaders are heroes in North Korea, Iran, and Russia.
Cantor and Boehner are actively negotiating how to end the hostage situation
and where to flee for refuge. “Having shut down government, deprived sick
children of needed clinical trials, wreaked havoc in the country, and forced
government employees to go without pay, our work is done” declared John Boehner
in a conference call with Tea party loyalists.
Boehner was moved to tears when he got calls from the North
Korean government offering him and Cantor permanent asylum. The pair is now
negotiating with President Obama how to end the hostage situation. Sources close
to the negotiation revealed the following demands by Cantor and Boehner:
1.
Guaranteed US health care for them and their
families in North Korea
2.
Change the name of our electoral system from
democracy to repocracy
3.
Add carvings of Cantor and Boehner to Mount
Rushmore to secure their place in history alongside George Washington, Thomas
Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln
4.
End food stamps program to eliminate obesity
among the poor
5.
President Obama to secure them a movie deal
among his many Hollywood friends
6.
History books to omit the part about children
with cancer going without treatment
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