The National Football League proved once again that ethics
is second nature to the profession. After twenty five years of conclusive
evidence that concussions cause irreparable brain damage in players, the NFL
appointed Richard Incognito to chair a committee on headaches. Incognito, whose
fame as a champion of diversity is well known to Miamians, said “we will make sure
that no current or former player, or their families, now or in the future, ever
complain about concussions without a personal visit by me. ” Incognito made the
comment a few moments after he tweeted his support for, major surprise, Donald
Trump. Trump reciprocated by promising Incognito the top job at the national spy
agency.
Thank God we still have the Republican party to show what
ethics are all about in politics. In Flint, Michigan, where city officials
wanted to save money by supplying contaminated water, the GOP is doing what
responsible politicians do: blame Canada.
Republicans in Michigan are urging Governor Rick Snyder to join Donald
Trump as VP. “We will show the rest of the world what upright men do,” a
republican operative said. Meanwhile Mitch McConnell, majority leader in the
senate, is about to show the country the ethics of obstructing the nomination
of a supreme court judge. “It would be irresponsible to nominate a new judge
while efforts are still under way to resuscitate Antonin Scalia” said
McConnell.
The Pharmaceutical Industry leads the way though. To ensure
maximum rigor, instead of drafting their own code of ethics, they used the one from
the Tobacco Industry, which used Lance Armstrong and Maria Sharapova as
consultants. We learn from the best said Martin Shkreli, who raised the price
of the anti-parasitic drug Daraprim more than fifty fold in recent months.
To be sure, pharmaceutical representatives adhere to strict principles
of equality. They reward all doctors the same for pushing their pills,
regardless of nationality, ethnicity, or place of origin. It is inconceivable
to them to discriminate on the basis of anything other than ability to increase
sales of Obliviontix.
Determined to lead the way, the Food and Drug Administration
decided to become the toughest. As of 2016, no more than 11 out of the 12
person panel reviewing new medications will be allowed to serve if they have a
conflict of interest. This is seen as a blow to the pharmaceuticals that
lobbied hard to keep the number at 12.
The National Security Administration, however, remains the
paragon of professional conduct among government offices. When listening to
Angela Merkel’s conversations they deleted all reference to her views on
Greece, Portugal, Spain, and Muslim men.
The North American League of Mayors imposes strict penalties
on violations of professional conduct of the smallest kind. This is why the
former Mayor of San Diego, Bob Filner, complained that he was willing to seek George
Zimmerman’s counsel but was fined $ 1,500 nevertheless. After sexually
harassing the entire female population of City Hall, justice was served, and
the poor Filner had to be on probation for 90 days and keep his hands to
himself. The North American League of Overly Sexually Active Mayors interceded
on his behalf, claiming that a day’s suspension would have been harsh enough.
“We are all for equal treatment under the law” a spokesman for the organization
said. They said that Filner never sent pictures of his male organs via twitter
like Anthony Wiener, a mayoral candidate in New York City, and therefore a more
lenient punishment would have sufficed. In a show of force the League of Mayors
demanded that any future pornographic pictures sent by Wiener be done anonymously.
Granted, some groups, such as bankers, mortgage lenders, and
Chris Christie’s associates are morally challenged, but not to worry. Many
repentant souls have seen the light and are ready to help. For sexual
perversions call the Law Offices of Spitzer Wiener Filner Berlusconi
Strauss-Khan Woods. For pathological lying call Armstrong Incognito Trump Zimmerman
Sharapova and Associates. Professional conduct guaranteed.
Isaac Prilleltensky is
author of the forthcoming The Laughing Guide to Well-Being: Using Humor and Science to Become Happier and Healthier He can be reached at isaac@miami.edu
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