I have been so busy diagnosing the Republican lunacy and
trying to access the healthcare exchanges that I forgot to take credit for my role
in preventing Syria from becoming the new AfghanIraq.
As you may recall, prior to the government shutdown, a
million Republican temper tantrums ago, we were about to bomb Syria. Obama was very hesitant. He vacillated
between diplomacy and military action. To help the President, I sent him an email
with an offer he could not refuse. He has written me several times asking for
money, so I figured he has me on his Blackberry. I suggested creating a simple
decision matrix with pros, cons, short term, and long term. This simple “two by
two” chart could help him decide whether to bomb Syria or work for the
elimination of chemical weapons. His answers revealed a close call. See for
yourself:
Option 1: Bombing
Syria to send a strong message that chemical weapons are not nice
Pros long term: More jobs for our weapons industry to
replace missiles used in Syria. Economy improves.
Cons long term: Syria becomes the new AfghanIraq. Michelle
said that if I bomb Syria she will stop baking chocolate chip cookies for me.
Pros short term: Show critics that I can also make
thoughtless decisions.
Cons short term: Will miss basketball practice.
Option 2: Eliminating
chemical weapons with the help of nice people like Putin
Pros long term: More jobs for our chemical weapons cleanup
industry. Economy improves.
Cons long term: Syria becomes the new AfghanIraq. Putin will
never stop talking about it.
Pros short term: Michelle will bake chocolate chip cookies
for me on Sunday.
Cons short term: Will miss basketball practice.
Presidential historians say that most decisions by
commanders in chief are a close call, unless you are George W. Bush, who was a
self-proclaimed decider, and had no idea where Syria was.
I understand the President because I also have tough
decisions to make, such as watching Dancing with the Stars or reruns of the Big
Bang Theory; eating in or going out; brown rice or quinoa.
But unlike President Obama, I’m a decider. My family and I
have moved around quite a bit, and every time we have to buy a house, I have a
rule. I want to buy the first house we see. My discerning wife,
on the contrary, likes to see 329 houses before we decide what to buy. When we
moved to Miami, I was all set to buy the first condo the realtor showed us, until Ora reminded me, and the despondent realtor, that we
had 328 to go before we could make a decision on a place.
Ora, my meticulous wife, likes to explore all angles of our
decisions. Every airplane ticket we buy must be compared across 17 internet
sites to get the best deal. By the time we compare and contrast, and want to
buy the first one we saw, which usually has the best price, the ticket is gone
because we took too long comparing. I never thought I would say this, but Ora
is more like Obama, and I’m more like GW.
When we moved to Australia from Canada, I operated like GW.
I landed in Sydney in May 1999 and after half an hour of landing I called Ora
to tell her that we were moving to Australia, at which point she said that I
was crazy. A few months later we moved to Australia and we looked at 329 houses
before we bought the first one we saw.
Recently we were having dinner with a colleague who shared
with me a fabulous tip: the 20 minute rule. No matter what he has to decide, he
usually allocates 20 minutes to most decisions: get married – 20 minutes; buy a
house – 20 minutes; move to another continent – 20 minutes; have surgery – 20
minutes. I really like that rule. I think President Obama should adopt it.
After 20 minutes of playing basketball he should decide whether to bomb Syria
or collaborate with Putin. In the end, he decided to go for the diplomatic
solution, but I never got a thank you note. I’m sure his server went down. IT
is trying to fix his Blackberry, but they are tied up fixing the health
exchanges.
agree
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